


Wasted Time

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Episode: s03e16 No Rest for the Wicked, F/M, Reader-Insert, allusions to dean's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26983672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Y/n runs a safe house for hunters and falls for a young hunter who refuses to fight for her when his dad tells him to leave her.~~~~~~~~~~"Come on, we both knew this wasn't forever, Y/n."I scoffed. "I'm not asking for forever, Dean. But this wasn't just...it wasn't a fling and don't act like it was only that for you. You're not leaving because you don't wanna be here, you're leaving because John doesn't want you close to me."He rolled his eyes and looked away from me. "Look, my dad is...I just can't...I have to go where he wants me, okay? And you...you got a life here. You're safe here and-""Fuck, Dean, I'm not safe! There's no such thing! I'm a hunter's daughter, jackass, and that means I'm never gonna-""You're not a hunter though, Y/n!" he interrupted. "You can't come with me and I can't stay so this-this thing between us is over, sweetheart, and begging me to stay with you makes you fucking pathetic."His snapped words were like a knife to my heart.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	Wasted Time

**Story Warnings** : angst, breakups, Dean’s demon deal and eventual death

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**-2002-**

"Please, don't do this." I shook my head. "It's not fair."

"Life's not fair, princess," he responded and I wanted to slap him for ruining Princess Bride for me by attaching it to that moment. "Come on, we both knew this wasn't forever, Y/n."

I scoffed. "I'm not asking for forever, Dean. But this wasn't just...it wasn't a _fling_ and don't act like it was only that for you. You're not leaving because you don't wanna be here, you're leaving because _John_ doesn't want you close to me."

He rolled his eyes and looked away from me. "Look, my dad is...I just can't...I have to go where he wants me, okay? And you...you got a life here. You're safe here and-"

"Fuck, Dean, I'm not safe! There's no such thing! I'm a hunter's daughter, jackass, and that means I'm never gonna-"

"You're not a _hunter_ though, Y/n!" he interrupted. "You can't come with me and I can't stay so this-this thing between us is over, sweetheart, and begging me to stay with you makes you fucking pathetic."

His snapped words were like a knife to my heart.

"Pathetic. Fine. I'm fucking pathetic. You wanna leave, trail your daddy like a good little guard dog? _That_ doesn't seem pathetic to _you_?" I pushed his chest and yanked the door open. "Next time you need a safe house, go somewhere else. Extend the message to your father, too, asshole. My home is no longer open to fucking Winchesters."

His lips twitched before he nodded and walked out the open door.

**-2005-**

Three staccato knocks, followed by three long knocks, followed by three more staccato ones. S.O.S. and the sign for me to open the door for a hunter in need. I grabbed a shotgun, and looked into the peephole. I groaned and dropped the gun.

"What do you want, Winchester?" I asked, opening the door to where the chain stopped it. "Pretty sure I told you never to come back."

"No, pretty sure you said that Winchesters weren't welcome...and that was four _years_ ago!" he argued.

"I don't care if it was _fourteen_ years ago. I told you that you weren’t welcome in my home, Dean. Find somewhere else."

"Look, I've got a voodoo bitch on my tail and this is the only place in four states that I know has protections on it. Please, Y/n. I don't wanna fall asleep and not wake up...or wake up mind controlled like her victims." He looked at me with those brilliant green eyes and fucking begged. " _Please_!" How could I say no?

I rolled my eyes and closed the door, pulling the chain off and letting him in. Four years, but he remembered the rules. Guns and knives in the lockbox by the door, pick up the silver candlestick on the table to prove it doesn't burn, pour a shot of holy water and drink it. He turned to me when the shot didn't burn and raised an eyebrow. I nodded and walked away, opening the door to the guest room and gesturing for him to enter. He just stared at me for a minute before brushing past me into the bedroom.

As I closed the door and walked away, I hoped he remembered the last rule: No more than 24 hours at the safehouse unless injured.

He ventured out of the guest room six hours later, finding me in the kitchen, making breakfast. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me as I pulled toast out of the toaster and put it on a plate, avoiding looking at him, avoiding acknowledging him.

"Ya know, **you can't ignore me forever**." I buttered my toast and avoided looking at him. "Come on, Y/n. Are you really just gonna-"

" **I don't want to talk to you right now** ," I snapped. "The only reason I let you in was because I couldn’t let some witch get control of you. You can leave any time now."

"Thank you for letting me in last night, Y/n." I rolled my eyes and picked up a piece of my toast and munched on it. "You coulda let me rot."

"Oh, go fuck yourself.”

“Hey, come on, there’s no need for all that,” he chastised and I shook my head. “Look, I know that last time I was here-”

“Where’s your dad?” I interrupted. “How could you possibly know what to do with yourself without John giving you orders?”

He bristled with indignation for a moment before biting his bottom lip and nodding. “Just because you don’t understand my relationship with my dad, that doesn’t give you a right to-”

“Your relationship with your dad is that he controls you and has molded you into exactly what he wants you to be and doesn’t let you be anything else,” I snapped, slamming my plate down on the counter. “Your relationship with your dad is why you’re never gonna have a relationship with anyone else. Your relationship with your dad is why you’re gonna be alone.”

Rage flashed in his eyes. “ _I’m_ gonna be alone? Look at you! You think I can’t tell there’s not a single scrap of masculine influence in this house? You’ve been alone since I left your ass, haven’t you?”

“Since John left me _for_ you? Yeah, I’ve been alone. So fuckin’ what?” I shook my head. “There’s not a lot of guys in this world who’d understand what I do and obviously I can’t fucking be with a hunter!”

“Oh, really? You got a problem with hunters now?”

“They all remind me of you!” I shouted. I ran my hand down my face and looked away from him. “Every one of the men who come here to seek refuge, they all remind me of you, Dean. So, they’re all off-limits.”

He scoffed. “What, a guy makes you think of me a little, you can’t-”

“Of course not, Dean! You’re…” I swallowed thickly and sighed. “It doesn’t matter. None of this does. You’re gonna walk out that door again, just like last time. But this time, none of my heart is going with you.” I picked up my plate and walked away toward my bedroom. “Don’t forget to lock the door when you leave.”

He was gone within fifteen minutes, door locked behind him.

**-2007-**

I heard the sound of the engine outside the door. It’s the loudest engine I’ve ever heard, always was. But I know it’s not John’s engine now. It’s Dean’s. He knocked, but he didn’t SOS. Just two thuds, tentative, apprehensive. I almost didn’t answer, but something in the way I watched him pace on my porch through the peephole made me pull the door open.

He licked his lips and raised his eyes to meet mine as he waited to see if I was going to let him in. He didn’t say a word, just waited, so I opened the door. He went through the motions: weapons in the box, candlestick, holy water, before he turned to me and wrapped his arms around me.

I stood stock still for a moment, shocked by the embrace, the way he dropped his head into the crook of my neck. When he started crying, I couldn’t help but return the embrace.

“Dean, what happened?” I whispered.

“I messed up, Y/n,” he sobbed. “I messed up and I let Sammy--and I couldn’t let him stay…”

“Breathe,” I cooed, guiding him over to my couch. “Now, talk to me. What happened?”

He took a shaky breath and wiped his hand across his mouth. “I’m, um, I…” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Sam...we got, we got pulled into this whole...de-demonic...there was this yellow-eyed demon and that’s what killed my mom an-and it wanted Sam t-to lead the Armies of Hell and, of course, there was...Sam died,” he finished, definitively. I gasped. “And I couldn’t...it was my _job_ to keep him safe. I know you always hated what my dad put on me, but that was a good one. Keepin’ Sam safe was my job and that was...and I failed. I couldn’t keep him safe, Y/n. So, I-I…”

He licked his lips and looked down at his lap, sniffling. “I went to a crossroads and I-”

I knew the rest of that sentence before he spoke it. “You didn’t,” I begged. “Tell me you didn’t sell your soul to bring him back, Dean.”

“I _had_ to, Y/n. It was the only way I could-”

“Complete your mission?” I finished, before letting out an almost-hysterical laugh. “You really value Sam so much more than yourself?”

“Please...I didn’t come here for this. I didn’t come here to be berated,” he said, tiredly.

“Fine. Why are you here?”

He wiped at his eyes and sniffled. “I came to apologize. I shoulda stood up to my dad. I shoulda-”

“Don’t do this.”

“What? Don’t do what?”

“You had years to apologize. Don’t feel obligated now that you’re dying.”

He shook his head and bit the inside of his lip. “No I’m not...I’m not obligated, just _inspired_. I don’t wanna go to Hell knowing that I left things so shitty with you because of my dad.”

“You have to stop blaming him. It wasn’t John. It was you. You _decided_ to let your dad push us apart.”

“And that’s why I’m apologizing.” He reached forward and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry I let him push us apart. I could’ve fought and I should have fought, but I didn’t. I didn’t fight him.” He ran his thumb across the back of my hand and sniffled. “Part of that was because I’m...I was so scared that I...I was feeling...I couldn’t-”

He let out a small laugh and shook his head. “Shit. I planned this all out on the drive. The perfect words to say to you...but...I’m just...I’m really sorry that I wasted all our time because I was a coward.”

“How long do you-”

“A year,” he interrupted. “A month ago, I got a year, so...I’ve got eleven months left and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

I sighed and took a deep breath, leaning forward to wrap my arms around him. “Seems like you wasted all but eleven months of our time by being a coward, Dean. What can we do with eleven months?”

He leaned back and looked me in my eyes. “You...you forgivin’ me, Y/n?”

I ran my hands to the back of his neck and tucked my fingers into the hair there. “No. But I never stopped loving you, so...why would I waste this time? Our last year.”

“You’re so amazing.”

“No arguments here.” I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, which he enthusiastically returned and immediately tried to deepen. I pulled back and shook my head. “We’re not going to bed, yet. This isn’t our last night and I’m not going to give you that yet, not after all these years of anger.”

He nodded and leaned forward to kiss me softly.

Hours of tears and kisses and regrets later, he left my house, promising to call and be back as soon as he could.

He held himself to it. He called and texted and visited nine more times. I only held out two visits before I let him take me to bed. I missed him too much and I knew we were running out of time. April was hard. He was so frantic, trying to find a way out, trying to find a way to gank Lilith, that he barely had time to call.

I knew when his number was up, though. I stared at the clock as time ticked forward, but it was really counting down. T-minus five minutes to midnight. T-minus two minutes to the only man I’ve ever loved being dragged to Hell. Thirty seconds before my world dies.

Midnight.


End file.
